Sometimes I hate me

…but I always forgive her and love me again.

Sometimes (often) we’re our own worst enemy.

I made a promise to myself to post a new poem on Instagram every week, and a few weeks in, I started falling behind. Hence the inspiration for this poem. After a client cancelled last minute, I suddenly had free time at 8pm on a Wednesday - so I sat down and filmed it.

My Own Betrayer

There, I’ve done it

I’ve already dropped the ball

I made myself a promise that I didn't keep at all

It wasn’t my fault…though

I gave my time away

It was generous really!

But why even play

with such pretty way

to excuse my betrayer

She turned her back on me again

it’s so tempting to hate her

Second Chances, try again 

it's no big deal, don't wallow 

but with a pattern this persistent

my own advice I cannot follow 

I look into her eyes with shame…

 we've been here before 

Why won't she it take the step,

  can she not see the open door?

I try to coax her and she seems on board 

but just when we're on the precipice…

she slips away 

oh Lord!

 What can I do? how can I help her help myself?

 So I won't

 I'll let her be 

She can rest, I won't protest 

And when the time is right

 I'll feel her wake me in the night

 to whisper her apology 

pleading “don't give up on me

 I know that I failed you 

and I'll do it again 

but won't you just forgive me?

  you are my only friend.”

 Forgive her I shall 

and we’ll try again together

 to find a way that clicks 

Throw enough spaghetti at the wall 

and one noodle always sticks

Life’s a jigsaw, after all 

and without the edges sorted

 positioning the centerpiece 

  can leave everything distorted

So I'll let it be a riddle: 

search for the path yet tried

 that would keep her by my side

 the duration of the ride 

so that I'm only left to wonder…

  if I'll even then be satisfied?

POWER MOVE: In what way do you feel you’ve been letting yourself down lately? Take some time to journal or reflect on what could be blocking your talented, amazing self from honoring your own commitments.

Tip: Be loving as you do this. Hating on yourself won’t motivate you any more than saying “calm down” to a frazzled teenager will actually calm them down ;)